QUIET The power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking
(by Susan Cain)




Wow where to start?  This is an amazing book!  I recommend it to anyone who is a spouse, parent, friend, son/daughter, sibling, basically everyone.

Cain celebrates introverts, bringing out their strengths & how they benefit society & families.  We need introverts!  Being 100% introverted myself this was the first time in my life I have felt so completely validated.  First time that question I ask myself over & over again 'What is wrong with me???' has been answered.  Nothing is wrong with me!  This is who I am & it's just fine.  We also need extroverts-we need both.  We can make great teams-like Martin Luther King Jr. & Rosa Parks.  Like Moses & Aaron.  Like Franklin Roosevelt & Eleanor.  We complement one another.

We live in an 'extrovert ideal' society Cain says.  We admire, applaud, glorify & prize those who are gregarious, comfortable in the spotlight,  dominant, assertive, forceful, energetic, magnetic etc.  Whereas many times introversion is considered somewhere between a disappointment & a pathology.

Introversion is hard to explain.  It is not synonymous with hermit or misanthrope. An introvert still may love parties & being with people but after a while wish they were home in their pj's.  They would rather spend their vacation on a quiet beach reading than on a party cruise.  While extroverts get their energy from being with people introverts get their energy being alone or with their families. They prefer smaller & less frequent get together's.  Less noise & stimulation. They enjoy & need solitude.  They don't like to multitask but would rather focus on one thing at a time.  They are often called good listeners, mellow, soft spoken & sensitive.  They concentrate easily.  And often let calls go to voice mail-haha that is sooooo me!

My favorite part of the book was when she showed examples in family life & how our relationships work with extroverted & introverted people.  Being an introvert myself you'd think I'd be more understanding of my introverted children but I find myself apologizing for their shyness & their difficulty adjusting to novelty.  Maybe it's because while watching them I relive all of my awkward/painful moments as a kid (& adult) & I don't want them to have to go through that.  But I'm going to STOP RIGHT NOW!  No more apologizing for the way they are.  They just have a different style.  And I'm determined they are not going to feel like somehow they are lacking (at least not from their Mom anymore.)  No more apologizing from this Momma.  I need to be more understanding & ease them into new situations slower & with more patience because I know how they feel & forcing them is not doing anyone any good.

Right now Hunter is our most introverted kid.  He is the most fun-loving, positive, funny, sensitive, caring & happy kid in the universe.  Seriously.  He does have a hard time with new things.  They make him nervous, anxious & scared.  Sometimes I get so frustrated with him like when he wouldn't sing at the Christmas party with 20 other Primary children.  Or when he gets really nervous doing something new at gymnastics or going alone to a birthday party.  From experience I know forcing him does nothing but make him louder & more upset.  And he feels like I am disappointed & frustrated with him & that somehow he should be different than he is.  There is a lot to be said about a cautious personality!  Someone who adjusts slowly, takes their time etc.  These are good traits to have.  Cain says "One of the best things you can do for an introverted child is to work with him on his reaction to novelty.  Introverts react not only to new people, but also to new places & events.  He's recoiling from novelty or overstimulation, not from human contact...Introverts are just as likely as the next kid to seek others' company, though often in smaller doses."  Exposure to novelty needs to be gradual at the right pace for your particular child.  And they need to have positive experiences with novelty that you can build on & that will help them be more confident to try more new things.

I remember when my parents were visiting a couple years ago.  We stayed in a hotel in Kansas City & used the swimming pool.   My Dad took Hyrum out in the water & they had a blast.  We asked Hunter several times if he wanted to go out & he always said No but he sat there on the edge watching them.  When I asked Hunter what his favorite part of our trip was he would always say 'Swimming with Pa' even though he never got in the water with him!  He talked about it frequently & about 10 months later when they were visiting again we all went to a local swimming pool & Hunter bravely played in the water with Pa & had a blast.  What if we had forced him?  As much as I wanted him to jump in the water & be brave it was better for him to gradually ease into it.  And now I have that positive experience to remind him of when we're facing something else new.

Another positive that has come from Hunter's anxiety to new things & situations is a testimony of prayer.  We have prayed many times before situations we know Hunter will be anxious about.  I will say a prayer & Hunter will say a prayer & everything always goes more smoothly.  He is learning & gaining a testimony that God loves him & will help him & will answer his prayers-always.  As a parent I couldn't ask for more!

Anyway I could go on & on but I'll stop.  Read the book it's wonderful.  Even if you are an extrovert chances are there is someone (or quite a few someones) important in your life that is an introvert.  This will really help you understand how we tick & why.

Valentine Mine

So, I read something on a blog about Valentine's Day that has changed the way I am going to look at & celebrate this holiday-at least somewhat.  The gal was talking about focusing on love & service for the whole month of February with her family.  Doing service projects to show love to others & having FHE lessons on love & charity etc.  By the time I read it it was a little too late to start the month out strong but I'm going to try to start that tradition next year.  We did get one service project in (although it's tricky to think of things everyone can participate in).  We visited Miss Wilma in the nursing home.  We've never met her before but we want to go back.  She was such a sweetheart!  We also had a family home evening lesson where each member of the family sat in a "special" chair & the rest of us took turns answering questions about the person.  Like 'You make me smile when.....' or 'The thing I admire the most about you is......' or 'My favorite thing to do is....' or 'Remember when we.......' OK so the kids were a little young for that but I think it was fun anyway & everyone felt special.  All of Justin's answers had something to do with 'Little Einsteins'. I'm excited for February to be more meaningful.

But let it be known I will never be opposed to flowers & chocolate either =)

Hunter wanted to help decorate so he made all these hearts & taped them up on the wall.  This kid is all about holidays & traditions & decorating.

Everyone (but Dallen) made everyone else a Valentine.  I made these little pillow hearts with pockets on the front (thanks for the idea Hava!) to stuff the cards in.

 

Yummy dinner for the kids & then Jeremy took me out to a catered dinner & dancing.  It's been 2 years since we've really danced so that was a blast.  We even a dance instructor give us some tips on slow dancing - who knew there could be so much to slow dancing?

 

Emma looks a little nervous eating her cookie

Here are some pictures & videos of Dallen.  I love this baby!  Our home was not complete without this kid.

Dallen doesn't like the way the hard floor feels on his knees so he monkey crawls instead



Light saber dueling with Daddy



Walking


Oh & Hyrum finally has a couple of loose teeth!

KIDS

I love the holidays but I feel like from October through the birthday month of January the only things I post about on our blog are about what we're doing for all the holidays which is fun but I miss out on just the normal daily things.  I love our little family.  It's a chaotic, crazy mess most days but I wouldn't change it.

Some cute things the kids have said this week.

Hyrum & I were listening to a Justin Bieber song & he rolled his eyes & wanted to know why most songs are about love & icky things like that.  Yes he's well into that stage!  So we were talking about that & he declared "Well I'll tell you something I will never do - smooch on the lips!!!' He was very emphatic about it.  So I asked him if I could get it in writing & if he would sign it :)  I would love to show that to him in about 10-12 years.  I love that Hyrum dances the robot with me.  He really gets into it & it's great.  When I dance & sing around the house he always says I'm crazy & that I must have been a rock star back in the 80's :)

One afternoon Hunter came with me to the fabric store.  As we walked down one aisle he noticed they had fabric for all different holidays.  He started naming them 'Look!  There's Christmas, 4th of July, Easter, Valentine's, St. Patricks Day.  But they don't have Conference Mommy.' As in General Conference when we listen to our prophets & apostles speak to us from Salt Lake City UT.  I almost died right there in JoAnn's-it was the sweetest thing he could have said.  He considers Conference a holiday & it's one of his favorites he informed me.  I know it's because of all the traditions we have & fun things we try to do in between all the talks but still it made me happy.

Emma Lou looked at me one day & said 'My best friend huh!' (She says 'huh' after a lot of her sentences & it's so cute) Oh I hope she still thinks that when she's 16!!! :)  So now when I tuck her in at night I tell her 'We're best friends huh' & she always says 'Yup'.  She is completely potty trained now & I'm lovin it.  Only 2 in diapers! But when we're away from home without her little potty seat she likes for me to hold her while she sits on the pot.  So when I need to use the girls room she runs with me & holds my hands so I don't fall in.  So funny.  

We were at Sam's Club & Justy was sitting in the cart.  All of a sudden he says 'Mommy I'm going to marry you!' Awwww..melt my heart.  The other day out of no where he said 'I love you Mommy' & that really is out of no where for Justin.  He just doesn't ever say stuff like that!  Every morning when he wakes up (he sleeps in a sleeping bag in our closet) he sings the theme song to 'Little Einsteins' & he sings it so loud in his monotone voice & it's hilarious.  Maybe I'll try to record it.  I love how he lisps especially his yes, 'Yeth'.  He loves books & has some of them memorized & we finally got around to recording them yesterday.  Enjoy one of them it's called "No David"

Dallen is just the sweetest kid.  Everyone revolves around Dallen & we all think he's the best source of entertainment around here.  He is walking a little bit here & there & he is always so proud of himself.  He still prefers to crawl.  He is sleeping so much better which makes his parents ecstatic.  He has become obsessed with books, looking at them, being read to, ripping & eating them.  He loves all the David Shannon books especially the ones about David and/or Fergus the dog.  If he sees one of those books & you don't read it to him he starts throwing a fit.  Those are the books that we have taped the most.

Our new thing is sword fighting.  Dallen finally got a turn with the light sabers & we think he felt pretty important. He is a padawan in the making.

So now I feel a little caught up.  I hope the kids will read stuff like this one day when they're older & laugh at how funny they were.  Jeremy & I sure enjoy chuckling over it in the evenings. 

PS I wore a skirt today to church that I've had since I was 19 years old.  19!!!  I'm 33 now.  It's a 14 year old skirt & still looks pretty good.  I love clothes that last for a long time.  I hope I'm wearing it in another 14 years when I'm 47-yelp! That sounds so old...