Shakespear Shuffle

QUIET The power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking
(by Susan Cain)




Wow where to start?  This is an amazing book!  I recommend it to anyone who is a spouse, parent, friend, son/daughter, sibling, basically everyone.

Cain celebrates introverts, bringing out their strengths & how they benefit society & families.  We need introverts!  Being 100% introverted myself this was the first time in my life I have felt so completely validated.  First time that question I ask myself over & over again 'What is wrong with me???' has been answered.  Nothing is wrong with me!  This is who I am & it's just fine.  We also need extroverts-we need both.  We can make great teams-like Martin Luther King Jr. & Rosa Parks.  Like Moses & Aaron.  Like Franklin Roosevelt & Eleanor.  We complement one another.

We live in an 'extrovert ideal' society Cain says.  We admire, applaud, glorify & prize those who are gregarious, comfortable in the spotlight,  dominant, assertive, forceful, energetic, magnetic etc.  Whereas many times introversion is considered somewhere between a disappointment & a pathology.

Introversion is hard to explain.  It is not synonymous with hermit or misanthrope. An introvert still may love parties & being with people but after a while wish they were home in their pj's.  They would rather spend their vacation on a quiet beach reading than on a party cruise.  While extroverts get their energy from being with people introverts get their energy being alone or with their families. They prefer smaller & less frequent get together's.  Less noise & stimulation. They enjoy & need solitude.  They don't like to multitask but would rather focus on one thing at a time.  They are often called good listeners, mellow, soft spoken & sensitive.  They concentrate easily.  And often let calls go to voice mail-haha that is sooooo me!

My favorite part of the book was when she showed examples in family life & how our relationships work with extroverted & introverted people.  Being an introvert myself you'd think I'd be more understanding of my introverted children but I find myself apologizing for their shyness & their difficulty adjusting to novelty.  Maybe it's because while watching them I relive all of my awkward/painful moments as a kid (& adult) & I don't want them to have to go through that.  But I'm going to STOP RIGHT NOW!  No more apologizing for the way they are.  They just have a different style.  And I'm determined they are not going to feel like somehow they are lacking (at least not from their Mom anymore.)  No more apologizing from this Momma.  I need to be more understanding & ease them into new situations slower & with more patience because I know how they feel & forcing them is not doing anyone any good.

Right now Hunter is our most introverted kid.  He is the most fun-loving, positive, funny, sensitive, caring & happy kid in the universe.  Seriously.  He does have a hard time with new things.  They make him nervous, anxious & scared.  Sometimes I get so frustrated with him like when he wouldn't sing at the Christmas party with 20 other Primary children.  Or when he gets really nervous doing something new at gymnastics or going alone to a birthday party.  From experience I know forcing him does nothing but make him louder & more upset.  And he feels like I am disappointed & frustrated with him & that somehow he should be different than he is.  There is a lot to be said about a cautious personality!  Someone who adjusts slowly, takes their time etc.  These are good traits to have.  Cain says "One of the best things you can do for an introverted child is to work with him on his reaction to novelty.  Introverts react not only to new people, but also to new places & events.  He's recoiling from novelty or overstimulation, not from human contact...Introverts are just as likely as the next kid to seek others' company, though often in smaller doses."  Exposure to novelty needs to be gradual at the right pace for your particular child.  And they need to have positive experiences with novelty that you can build on & that will help them be more confident to try more new things.

I remember when my parents were visiting a couple years ago.  We stayed in a hotel in Kansas City & used the swimming pool.   My Dad took Hyrum out in the water & they had a blast.  We asked Hunter several times if he wanted to go out & he always said No but he sat there on the edge watching them.  When I asked Hunter what his favorite part of our trip was he would always say 'Swimming with Pa' even though he never got in the water with him!  He talked about it frequently & about 10 months later when they were visiting again we all went to a local swimming pool & Hunter bravely played in the water with Pa & had a blast.  What if we had forced him?  As much as I wanted him to jump in the water & be brave it was better for him to gradually ease into it.  And now I have that positive experience to remind him of when we're facing something else new.

Another positive that has come from Hunter's anxiety to new things & situations is a testimony of prayer.  We have prayed many times before situations we know Hunter will be anxious about.  I will say a prayer & Hunter will say a prayer & everything always goes more smoothly.  He is learning & gaining a testimony that God loves him & will help him & will answer his prayers-always.  As a parent I couldn't ask for more!

Anyway I could go on & on but I'll stop.  Read the book it's wonderful.  Even if you are an extrovert chances are there is someone (or quite a few someones) important in your life that is an introvert.  This will really help you understand how we tick & why.